It’s a quiet morning, and I’m having a deep introspection into my short, yet long life. I sometimes feel like I’ve lived many worlds but there are still so many feelings I have never experienced. On some days, I feel like a lucky lad living his own version of a charmed life.
A life where my possessions have been partly powered by precious people, one in which mistakes have been made and a correction pen came right after; one in which nothing really bothers and anything is hardly a surprise.
I've so far lived through moments that have seen me make difficult decisions and had the courage to live with its consequences or enjoy its rewards. At every turn, I’ve met people from far and near, some I’ve never seen, some I rarely see, some I may never see but we are united in our collective desires to thrive, grow and be, and our ideologies are premised on humane and compassionate grounds, strong doctrines of friendliness and respect.
I have gained and lost. I have made decisions I will regret for the rest of my life, simply because I didn’t give more of myself to situations or purposes I, in retrospect, feel needed more of me. In that regard, I probably may have failed some people too.
But life has given me friends. I honestly don’t know what a foe looks like. I have never paid much attention to dislike or hatred and that’s one of the charms of my life. I know no foe, but I know a friend.
I think there are no general rules to friendship. It means different things to different people and mine has come in stages, asking different questions and throwing different answers. My friendship started from the streets where all I wanted in a friend was presence. Someone to play my plastic balls with when my father bought them; someone to run almost 100m races on the street defying cars and bikes; someone to argue about football with and play round dusty streets barefooted. At that point, those were my friends.
The first time anyone advised me against having some select group of friends was when I was in JSS1. His argument at the time was that I attended a better school and should not be seen with students of a certain calibre of schools. Even as a child, I found that shallow to say. What I wanted at the point wasn't anything about that. Those friends fulfilled a purpose and we all enjoyed our childhood. While all we have now are memories, as life has taken us through different roads, we still share those moments and the joy it gave us. Are they still my friends? Not exactly!
As I grew, I got a new set of friends, without leaving the old. Life naturally moved and what caught our fancies changed. I had a group of friends in my class whom I played football with everyday. We were in the best class in school and did literally everything together. We fought and settled, played together and shared great stories including a lot of financial struggles and ideas.
We had a common background in how much our parents wanted us to succeed. Our differences were in how every family went about that pursuit of pride and happiness. After six years as close friends, I had an opportunity to be in a national competition representing South West Nigeria with two of my friends. It is probably one of the proudest moments of my life. We come from very small places but that was a moment that showed we could do big things if we wanted and life agreed.
Those friends are people who have seen me broke, broken, angry and happy. We've shared fears and expectations. We've dreamt and failed together and laughed at the point of triumph. Although life has taken us separate ways, we still share a great sense of mutual respect, love and brotherhood.
One thing I seem to enjoy from all my friends is a great deal of respect. And it’s nothing about where we are in life as some of them are people I consider as better off, but all my friends respect me.
My relationships with people have faced a constant evolution. My boss has become my friend. My neighbour has become my brother. I've built lasting relationships from football groups, the football field, class, work and anywhere I find a common purpose. I'm on groups where I'm the youngest person yet I don't feel out of place.
Today, I have two male friends of my age group in whom I find great pleasure. They are such exemplary presence to see, beautiful people to be with; class acts. We don't see or talk everyday but there's a great sense of sacrifice shared in our relationships. I've also had friends disappoint me, said things about me they never thought I’d know but they've been there at difficult periods, and are human too.
What I desire in my friendship is benefits. Mutual benefits. We must be helpful to each other. There has to be a purpose we share. A purpose greater than our understanding. We don't have to see each other. I rarely go out but when there's an urgent need, I’ll be there. Friendship is rooted in sacrifice, understanding and freedom, and at every point of my life, I have seen and established this fact. If you are not free enough to express yourself, then you should reconsider that friendship. And what’s in a friendship that doesn't show understanding to times and seasons? What more can I say about sacrifice?
Your friend will tell you the truth. Your friend will not tell you things because that's what sounds good to their ears or yours. Friends don't look at one side of the coin. It’s give and take.
I have seen hundreds of people tell me I'm shy, but my friends tell me I'm crazy. That's not a part everyone will see, and that's not to say that's all my friends will ever experience.
My wife sees me in my entire light; in every form of me there is, was and will be. And that's the ultimate friendship. That friend that looks at your yes and knows it’s no or vice versa. One who stays through the times, accepting and choosing to be your friend regardless is your friend. The evolution of my relationships has stayed on the elevated heights of sacrifice, respect and relentless freedom.
I know who my friend is, do you?
TEA
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